Top Chef / Hell's Kitchen Lingo

I am so sick of watching these cooking shows and being lost on the same terms over and over again! I wish they had a scroll bar that went across the bottom of the screen like on reruns of LOST, to explain what's going on. It would be helpful to know, as sometimes what sucks about a dish is that it isn't even the dish they called it, but as a viewer, I have no idea! Some things are listed cause I know people who confuse the terms (I know what a scallop is, vs. a scallion).

Chef Rankings in the Kitchen:
The big dog whose vision the entire place is, is called the Chef de Cuisine (often called just, "The Chef)". He/She may/may not be present in the restaurant and may even have a fleet of establishments. Next in line is the executive chef. This seems to be a management position, dealing with all day to day tasks from the kitchen to the dining area. Finally, we have the "Sous Chef." From what I gather, it's a crummy, "show us what you got" sort of position. The Chef is seeing what you have, to decide if they can trust to/want to groom you.

Bisque/Boullion/Consommé:
A soup based on vegetables and/or crustaceans, finished with cream is a bisque. Boullion is French for broth and refers to a liquid you get from simmering meats, veggies and spices in water. Consomme, on the other hand, is a broth or stock that has been clarified (see clarified butter) by simmering it with beaten egg whites, which attract and trap the impurities clouding the broth

Braise vs Poach:
A cooking method that cooks something in a small amount of liquid (also called stewing or pot roasting). Braising concentrates food's flavors so it can be made into a sauce. In poaching, the food is completely submerged in simmering liquid.

Ceviche:
Is a dish that uses citrus marinated seafood. When shellfish is used, it's usually cooked ahead of time, while finfish is usually raw. A misconception about ceviche is that the acid from the citrus cooks the fish, somehow. Nope, cooking requires heat. What the acids do, is denature the proteins, so the fish will look as if it had been cooked, but it has not. Bacteria won't be killed, so it is to be considered a 'raw' dish.

Clarified butter:
Is butter without the water and and milk solids. Without these, you can use butter to saute at really high temperatures without burning. This lightened butter is also called "ghee." It's also used as a fire accelerator.

Compote:
Is a dish that uses fruits cooked in a syrup and spices or liqueur.

Emulsion:
A smooth mixture of two liquids, such as oil and water that normally do not mix.

Mis en Place:
Mmeans "everything in its place." If you're in charge of this, you need to get all ducks in a row for the chef for a service. That means all pots & pans and foods (fully prepped) are ready to be used by the chef.

Miso:
"A thick paste made from fermented and processed soy beans. Red miso is a combination of barley and soy beans and yellow miso is a combination of rice and soy beans." Yeah, that definition didn't help me, either.

Roulade:
A slice of meat or fish rolled around a stuffing. So, I guess at the state fair, I didn't get a pickle wrapped in cream cheese and pastrami, I got a "pastrami-pickle roulade."

Roux:
A mixture of flour and butter used to thicken sauces, soups, and gravies.

Scallions:

Immature onions (also called green onions) with a mild flavor. Both the white bulb and the green tops can be used in cooking.

Shallot:

An onion, too, but it looks like a big clove of garlic. They are used to infuse savory dishes with a mild, delicate onion flavor.

Scallops:

Not an onion, a mollusk.

Sabayon:
A light, frothy mixture made by beating egg yolks with water or other liquid over gentle heat. Sabayons may be sweet or savory and may be served as a sauce, often flavoured with an alcohol, or they may form the base of some mousse mixtures. They may also be used for sweet or savoury gratins.

Tempura:
A Japanese method of cooking vegetables and shellfish. They are coated with a light cornstarch batter and deep-fried.

Fat Kid Party 2009.2

FKP 2009.2 was a success, I think, as it marked a noted shift in the competitive level of the participants. There were many stellar entries that were truly within the realm of what a fat kid would make if left alone with a full kitchen and a little creativity.

Having said that, there was a disturbing event that must be discussed. Someone stole a pack of hot dogs from the fridge and a corresponding pack of buns from the counter. Who goes to a party and steals unopened food, let alone food of such a mundane nature? Curiosity clashing with host offense, I have compiled a list of suspects. These suspects were corralled based on several varying criteria. They pictured below and described from left to right.

Jena (top left) arrived late and cleverly caused a distraction by claiming to anyone who would listen, that her fryer was missing the cord. To add to the suspicion, she refused to open it, saying it was full of oil. Was it really full of oil or was it full of hot dogs and buns? Amidst a hasty escape, she left her frying supplies (which included Mars chocolate bars and pickles), so if she did make a sacrifice for the hot dogs/buns, I clearly won out.

Stephannie is a new mother, and may be unaware of the dietary requirements of infants. She may have seen the supplies as a quick and easy way of providing protein for her child. Hot dogs for her, and hot dog broth for the baby's bottle. She also had a large purse which she never put down.

Leshonn's crew. I say "crew" because two members were black and I'm making an subtle editorial distinction meant to convey ethnicity, which to racist people will imply guilt. Also, I lump all four individuals into one "suspect" as they all look the same to me. Now, to be fair, the only real fuel for suspicion for this group is that they very abruptly left after only a few minutes. To add mystery, they brought a chocolate cake (made from scratch, mind you) made up to look like an egg with bacon all over it. I can't imagine their master plan was to slave over this dessert/breakfast confection/atrocity only to steal some crappy hot dogs and buns. Still, there were two girls with purses, and the guys shirts were baggy enough to easily conceal the items with a minimum amount of discussion.

Buffy. Although one would think she'd not be able to get her hands on these items, she is much more clever than one would imagine (especially when surrounded by drunks).

If you have any information surrounding the whereabouts of these hot dogs, please let me know.

Trick-oh-till-o-mania

Trichotillomania is an "impulse control disorder" that results in people having the uncontrollable (debatable term, I know) urge to pull hair from various places on their bodies. In the most severe cases people have bald spots or entire bald heads. A large number of people, though, have the urge to pull hair from only specific places on their bodies.

I was 16 and bored when I first started pulling out my eyebrows and eyelashes. It started simply enough and quickly escalated (that day) to having nearly no eyebrows and no eyelashes at all on my upper eyelids. Over the years it has progressively gotten worse, despite my constant counter impulses to "stop doing that."

In July of 2009 I read about N-Acetyl Cysteine, which is just an amino acid supplement (not a prescription drug), being found in some study to have relieved these impulses in 50% of the participants. I read about this while in a grueling calculus summer session, during which my picking had progressed to cutting off the ends of my hair (inches at a time). After 5 weeks of the 8 week course I had cut off about 5 inches of hair all around my head. I did not want this to progress as it did in people I had seen on TV- I wouldn't look right with a wig, and I'm aware how these things have a way of creeping to scary levels (scarier than the below eyebrowless picture):

July 26, 2009:

Started taking 600 mg of NAC. Within a week I noticed a difference, though was very aware of a placebo effect (is a placebo effect counteracted by being aware of it?). After calculus ended the picking dropped off dramatically.

We'll see how things go in a few more months. Maybe by October I'll be able to convey eyebrow conveyed emotions.