Nicknames

I would like to take this opportunity to address an issue that has been looming large in days of late. There are certain persons, who will remain nameless, who have recently insisted that they be referred to by alternate name of their choosing. I find this abrupt and unnecessary change whilst in mid-stream to be most unacceptable and frivolous. Granted, these requested name changes are slight in nature, they are, however, uncharacteristic of their identities as I have come to know them.

Imagine if Winston Churchill suddenly decided to change his name to "Winnie Churchill's" and refused to respond otherwise. The fate of the Western World- no, the entire world could have been compromised by this malicious request. Would it be morally responsible of Winston's progeny to do such a thing? No! of course not! So, why are those of us outside of major current or historical events any different?

What if the estates of past social and political icons legally changed the names of their forefathers? What then? We'd have great speeches by "Abe-meister Lincoln" and "Marti King?" Famous movie quotes from "Clarki Gable, Georgie C. Scott" and "Marly Brando." Who would we sing along to? "Johnny Lennon" and "Kurtie Cobain?"

I have respect for these individuals and do not want to call them something that I instinctively associate with someone less intelligent than I know them to be. Though this is a sad commentary on our society (and my preconceived notions as well which will perhaps be addressed in some appropriate sociological seminar), do we not simply add an "ie" or "y" to the end of their name when attempting to downgrade their efforts or belittle them? Of course we do, cause doing so makes their name sound silly. Why? Because typically, only small pets that hop for treats resembling bacon strips sport these kinds of names with any semblance of dignity.

Do we all not have a cultural responsibility to not only ourselves, but to those around us? Is it fair that we randomly add vowels to the ends of our perfectly suited names and insist that others use them at all times? People of the world, I implore you! So much suffering can be alleviated, if only we accept our names in-tact, as our parents had intended them (all "Ima Piggs" hold exception to this, for obvious reasons.

In closing I would also like to humbly request, that should anyone have any abstract names to which they would prefer to be referred by innocent bystanders (in a Napoleonic manner), that they please introduce themselves as such at each and every introduction. It is much less difficult to address someone with a silly name when you have never assigned any validity to their name to begin with.